Roasting a chicken

When Kurt is finished with his rant about what kind of cook I could possibly be if I don't know what a mirepaux is and that no one who is not a fan of cooked carrots or celery is any friend of his, he is going to tell us how to roast a full chicken and I'm going to live blog the process...

Step 1.  Fail miserably at making your own mozzarella cheese.  Step 2.  Pour out the curdled but not cheesed milk you just spent 45 minutes stirring.

Some of you may be asking yourselves why on earth you would roast a chicken.  A roasted chicken is the single most delicious food item that you can serve the people you love (besides vinegar.) It turns out it's the easiest thing in the world to make so as long as you have enough time to roast it, which let's face it, you probably do, then it's basically buying a chicken and throwing it in the oven. Anyway here it is...

Step 3. Clean out the chicken carcass - pull out the giblets and save them for the gravy.  Anyone who throws out the giblets should be imprisoned or at least sent to bed without supper according to Kurt.  Rinse off the chicken both outside and in and be sure to pat it dry because if you leave it wet, it'll get soggy and the chicken skin won't crisp up the way you want it to.

Preheat the oven to 425.  Make a bed of roughly chopped carrots, celery, and onions (if you remembered to get onions from the grocery store, which I did not because he didn't think to mention it because he just assumed that I would assume that when he said vegetables, I would get celery, onions, and carrots).

Shove some lemon and rosemary up the chicken's butt.  Stop laughing, I'm being serious--cut the ends off of the lemon and get it inside there.  Rub some olive oil on the skin of the chicken, and add some salt, pepper, and paprika if you're into that sort of thing.  If you're Johanna, buy proper Hungarian paprika and keep it in the fridge for no longer than 6 months.  If you're Kurt, buy proper Hungarian paprika but leave it in the fridge for as long as you like.  If you're a regular person, not only is proper Hungarian paprika not a thing, but it's questionable whether you really need it on the bird with the salt and pepper so do it if you have it and don't if you don't keep that on hand.

Put the bird in the oven and roast it for 1 1/2 hours.  Take the chicken out of the oven and tent some foil over the top and let it sit.

If you feel like making a gravy to go alongside your roasted chicken, here is Hannah's recipe. Remove the chicken from the roasting pan and place onto a serving platter. Put the pan right on the stovetop. Mine covers both a front and back burner so the whole thing heats fairly evenly.

Turn the burners on to medium heat. Toss in the giblets, the wings of the chicken (just rip them off with your hands and in they go), a tomato cut into quarters (I usually cheat and use a bit of tomato paste), the lemon from inside the chicken, and a sprig of fresh rosemary. Fry them up for a minute or two.

Now there are two ways to do this: thick or thin. If you like a thinner gravy, skip this next step. When you have the pan drippings boiling, add 4 tablespoons of flour and stir it in. It will coat the vegetables that are still in there, but don't worry. Keep stirring and cook it until the flour turns tan in color. If it gets too dry and looks like it's going to burn, add a bit of olive oil to the pan.

Now add 1 cup of wine. If you added flour in your last step, add the wine slowly and whisk the entire time. Let this boil until it reduces by half, about 10 minutes. Now add the juices that have collected on your serving platter and 3 cups of chicken stock. Let the gravy reduce until it is as thick as you want it. It may take awhile, but it's worth it. When it has reduced, add some salt and pepper. Keep tasting the gravy as you cook and add salt slowly! When it is done, strain the gravy through a strainer, pushing down on the giblets/vegetables to squeeze out all the flavor.